Letting go!

Strength to forgive

2010-11-15T05:56:00.000-08:00

"Recently I found myself very disappointed in someone I considered a good friend. They did something to me that I felt (and still feel) was totally unacceptable and it was hard for me to swallow. I knew that I needed to forgive them and let it go but I just couldn't wrap my head around it at the time.

Not wanting to hold a grudge, I began to quote any and every scripture I could remember (and maybe a few I made up) on forgiveness. But it seemed the moment I stopped quoting scripture, I got mad all over again.

Throughout that week, I kept rehearsing what happened and when I shared it with my husband and my sister, I got even more angry -- it was like every time I told the story, the fire was being fueled. So I decided that I needed to stop talking about it because that was not helping the situation.

I'm sure you have all been there before ...maybe it wasn't a friend, perhaps it was a sibling, a co-worker, a neighbor or even someone at church. Whoever it was, they crossed you in some form or fashion and raised your blood pressure. You found yourself on this never ending cycle of anger because you couldn't quite let it go.

In time, I realized that forgiveness is very hard in our own power ... and at some point, I cleared my head and took it to God in prayer ...and yet again, God amazed me with his ability to bring an inner peace in the midst of any situation.

Prayer is by far the greatest weapon we have. Prayer causes you to change your perspective on things.

While in prayer, God reminded me of the many times I had turned my back on Him. The many times I had disappointed Him. Yet, not once has He held back his forgiveness towards me.

He also reminded me that no one except Him is flawless, so I must not put people on a pedestal or expect them to never let me down. Yes, we expect certain things like respect from our friends, however at some point, we have probably all disrespected someone we cared about. How is it that we expect people to always be willing to forgive us but when the tables are turned -- watch out!

Through prayer, I realized it was alright for me to be hurt by the situation, but it wasn't alright for me to dwell there. God healed my wounds and gave me the courage to step back out and not allow this situation to dictate my mood, attitude or behavior towards the person who offended me.

There is something to be said about the power of prayer ... next time I won't wait so long to use it!"

Scripture Of The Day: "And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins." - Mark 11:25
By Tanya James from S.F Streaming Devotionals, Nov 2010. Website:http://www.streamingfaith.com/index.php/prayer/devotionals/the-power-of-prayer1/

He said, she said

2009-11-04T03:58:00.000-08:00

Relationships are all about learning. In marriage we are learning to become one; in families we are learning to get along; in business we are learning to work together; in friendship we are learning to make allowances for one another. Life is a learning process, and the quicker you embrace that fact, the more you'll enjoy the people around you.
Over the years, I've learned that Joel doesn't like hearing every single detail of a story, even though I do. I want to know exactly what was said, who said it, and how they said it. That's why, when I tell a story, it takes me fifteen minutes, and Joel can tell that same story in about two minutes! Knowing this, I try not to tell him every detail, although it's not always that easy.
One time, I was enthusiastically telling Joel something that I thought was important, and just as I was getting to the good part, I noticed his eyes beginning to glaze over. I began talking faster and faster, but it didn’t do any good. Finally I said, "You don't want to hear this; I can tell because you are not even paying attention to me."
It wasn't anything he said; it was how he looked. I could tell by his body language that I had lost him after the first three minutes. I could have either allowed myself to get upset and frustrated, or I could just make a few adjustments in the way I communicate with him.
Now I try to tell him only the most important details of the story. When I see his eyes glazing over, I don't get upset. It's just my cue that he is going into "detail overload," so I adapt to his communication style.
As you think about the people in your life, remember to respect and appreciate your differences. Don't hold offense just because someone has a different approach than you do. Be willing to make adjustments and focus on the common ground of peace. As you work towards unity, you are positioning yourself to receive the wonderful blessings God has in store for you.
How good and pleasant it is when brothers live together in unity!… for there the Lord bestows his blessing, even life forevermore (Psalm 133:1-3, NIV).
Culled from "Victoria's Blog"

Forgiveness and religious correctness

2009-09-03T05:39:00.000-07:00

Forgiveness and religious correctness

BOBBY FRANK CHERRY is set to spend the rest of his life in prison for his role in the bombing deaths of four black girls in Birmingham, Ala., in 1963. ''Justice has finally come to us,'' said Junie Collins Peavy, whose sister was among those killed at the 16th Street Baptist Church.

Yet justice alone can fall short in putting the past to rest. There is no bypassing the wrenching question of forgiveness -- of deciding whether the killers can, or even should, be forgiven. ''The law can't forgive,'' said Doug Jones, the lead prosecutor. ''People can forgive and move on.''

Forgiveness is more than a simple rite of religious correctness, though there are numerous religious teachings, from the Lord's Prayer in Christianity to the Buddhist concept of purifying evil. Forgiveness in Birmingham would require a deep intellectual and emotional commitment, just as it has when invoked during other moments of great pain. The underlying torment could be as specific and consuming as a child's murder, as vast and abstract as the mourning of war dead on Memorial Day, as confounding as a sexually abusive priest, as unfathomable as the horror of the Sept. 11 attacks, as uncharted as rebuilding broken societies.

The commitment to forgive might start small and cautiously, as some scholars believe it must be practiced and learned; or it might not start at all, rejected in its entirety as goodness gone blind or as mercy misplaced or as simply too much to ask of anyone.

Archbishop Desmond Tutu, the Nobel laureate who wrote a book about reconciliation in South Africa, ''No Future Without Forgiveness,'' is an advocate of forgiveness, though he admits how troublesome it can be. He puts it in the context of the African concept of ''ubuntu'' -- that a person is only a person through other people.

Mr. Tutu was chairman of his country's Truth and Reconciliation Commission, which struggled to offer up forgiveness as an alternative to worsening racial hatreds. The commission held hundreds of hearings in which blacks and whites aired grievances about the past and, in instances, asked forgiveness from their enemies.

Though the commission had its failings, Mr. Tutu asserts that it spared South Africa the kind of civil unrest many had expected after the end of white-minority rule. He says forgiveness is an act of self-interest, because forgivers are released from the bonds that hold them captive to the forgiven. ''It is more relevant than ever before,'' said Mr. Tutu.

Roger W. Wilkins, a civil rights activist and history professor at George Mason University who has written a book, ''Jefferson's Pillow,'' about black patriotism despite the trials of slavery, describes himself as a believer in the healing power of forgiveness. He said white people often ask why blacks seem to be forgiving. There is a religious component to his answer, but a strong element of self-preservation too.

''After a while you figure it out for yourself: you can't be consumed by this stuff because then your oppressors have won,'' he said. ''If you are consumed by rage, even at a terrible wrong, you have been reduced.''

But events like the bombing in Birmingham help Mr. Wilkins recognize the limitations of forgiveness. In some cases, people can free their hearts of hatred without forgiving. Birmingham, he said, might be one of those cases. ''I really don't think it is necessary to forgive every act,'' he said. ''Where forgiveness applies to the Birmingham situation is what has happened in that city, and this is that blacks, by and large, have entered in the life of the city and they don't hold Bull Connor against white people who live in the city.''

A more personal forgiveness is made difficult in Birmingham because the killers have not sought it; Mr. Cherry denied his guilt even after the verdict. ''There has to be some show of respect or remorse,'' said Mr. Jones, the prosecutor. ''For there to be true forgiveness, it has to come from both sides.''

Yet that did not happen, at least at first, in the case of Amy Biehl, a Fulbright scholar from Southern California who was stoned and stabbed to death in South Africa in 1993. Her killing stunned that country, but more shocking for many people was the forgiving response of her parents, Peter J. and Linda Biehl.

The Biehls quit their jobs to work full time on racial reconciliation. They testified in favor of political amnesty for the killers. They even offered two of them jobs. ''To us it is liberating to forgive,'' Mr. Biehl, who died on March 31, once said.

A T the time, the Biehls' crusade seemed preposterous, almost beyond human. But that view changed in the past decade as forgiveness evolved into a more mainstream tool of holistic healing, conflict resolution and self-help.

There are now university research programs dedicated to it. There are books about its wellness power. There are even Web sites where people can request it.

Dr. Frederic M. Luskin, a psychologist who is director of the Stanford University Forgiveness Project, said a series of unconnected events helped bring about a forgiveness surge. There were scientific studies about its health benefits. There was also a growing public acceptance of the connection between spirituality and wellness. Even Bill Clinton helped, by bringing forgiveness into the public lexicon after his impeachment acquittal.

Some scholars draw an important distinction between seeking forgiveness and offering an apology. Forgiveness requires an act of contrition. ''You are opening up a dialogue if you ask for forgiveness, but when you say you are sorry, you are shrugging it off,'' said Garry Wills, a professor of history at Northwestern University. With Mr. Clinton's impeachment, Mr. Wills said, there was no real forgiveness because the former president fell short on contrition.

Similarly, Mr. Wills said he believes Roman Catholic bishops and priests involved in the sexual abuse scandals couldn't be forgiven unless they admit wrongdoing and try to undo it. In the early church, he said, sinners were expelled and allowed back only after expressing sorrow and undergoing a period of public humiliation. If they tripped up a second time, there was no coming back.

The Rev. Michael Lapsley, who was an anti-apartheid activist, talked about Sept. 11 forgiveness on a recent visit to New York. He is familiar with the notion of the facelessness of some evildoers -- when he was a chaplin for the African National Congress he lost an eye and both hands after he opened an anonymous letter bomb in 1990.

Forgiveness, Father Lapsley says, is a matter of choice, and since the American government ultimately responded militarily to the terror attacks, many Americans never examined any alternatives. Yet because so many worldwide shared in America's horror and grief over Sept. 11, he explained, ''Your pain has been acknowledged. That gives you freedom to take a position away from war and hatred and revenge.''

But what about hunting down the perpetrators? What about justice?

In June, the Rev. Myrna Bethke, a member of the September Eleventh Families for Peaceful Tomorrows, will travel to Kabul with an interfaith delegation. Ms. Bethke, a Methodist minister in Freehold, N.J., had a brother who was killed at the World Trade Center.

She says she has forgiven his killers, but makes a distinction between retaliation, which she is against, and consequences, which she is for. She is going to Kabul in part to help remind herself that the people there have names and faces -- making it harder to want to retaliate against them.

Forgiving her brother's killers, she says, released her from a tremendous burden. ''You are free to live again,'' Ms. Bethke said.

It is that burden that Dr. Luskin of Stanford is interested in better understanding. The author of ''Forgive for Good,'' he has championed the physical as well as the emotional benefits of forgiveness.

But with complex events like Sept. 11, the road to forgiveness is long. He uses the metaphor of a train. People get on the train but must make various stops before forgiveness becomes a way off. The trick is not to miss your stop.

Dr. Luskin suggested Americans are not good at forgiveness and should practice with little things. For example, don't get angry when the sales clerk dawdles.

FORGIVENESS has been a theme for the playwright Tony Kushner. He won a Pulitzer for his drama, ''Angels in America,'' which featured a stunning scene in which the ghost of Ethel Rosenberg says a prayer of mourning over Roy M. Cohn, who was instrumental in obtaining her death sentence.

Mr. Kushner says his work has been inspired, at least in part, by the fall of the Soviet Union and the need for nations to make peace with their unhappy pasts. To forgive, he says, you must believe a greater good than your personal revenge lies ahead. Because of that, he says forgiveness, like grieving, is intensely private and cannot be judged by others.

''They are incredibly deep inner processes, not observable really,'' he said. ''They are some of the most isolated and most private experiences in life.''

Sissela Bok, the author and philosopher, said in considering forgiveness, it is important to consider the consequences of not forgiving. ''Just because someone has done something to you that you find unforgivable, that in no way justifies you doing the same,'' she said.

New York Times
Tues. Feb.17 2009
Ideas & Trends: Letting Go; Beyond Justice: The Eternal Struggle to Forgive

By DEAN E. MURPHY
Published: May 26, 2002

Forgive first

2009-06-01T22:27:00.000-07:00

“It will be a long time to work through this, but some day I think I might be able to forgive.”
Nancy Leigh DeMoss: When you’ve been hurt, finding healing may involve a process. The problem is that a lot of people think they have to wait until the process is over before they choose to forgive.
“I think at some point God could lead me to forgive my dad.”
Nancy: They think that healing comes first, then forgiveness. Let me suggest that the opposite is true. The healing process begins with forgiveness. You can choose, by God’s grace, to forgive in a moment of time. Then you can allow God to give you grace to heal from that pain and even restore the relationship.
Would you like to be in the process of healing from the hurts of your past? Why not begin that process today by choosing to forgive?
Culled from Nancy Leigh DeMoss'"forgiveness is possible"

What shall separate God from my love?

2009-05-24T07:09:00.000-07:00

What can separate God from my love?
What can come between my devotion to my King and me?
What can take my attention from my Redeemer?
Shall pressures of life-my job, my ministry, my studies, my passions, my desires,
Shall worries, trials, trouble and my needs cost me my complete devotion to you my Maker?
No, may none of these take Your place in my life, O Lord
No, may none of these take my attention and devotion to You my Savior.

And for you my husband, my kids, my families, my friends,
May your devotion be totally to our God
May your passion be to please and honor Him every day
May we stay on course forever focused on Him
May we be more sensitive to the promptings of His Spirit
May we be obedient to Him in everything
For
There's really nothing that satisfies like our God's love!

Love, love and love, love u!

2009-04-21T07:03:00.000-07:00

I love my daddy
Do I always love what he does? No
I love my mum
Do I always love what she does? No
I love ‘mon mari’
Do I always love what he does? No
I love my son
Do I always love what he does, Emphatically, No
I love my daughter
Do I always love what she does? No
I love my sisters
Do I always love what they do? No
I love my brothers
Do I always love what they do? No
I love my friends
Do I always love what they do? No
And all my extended families?I love them lots
But not all that they do
And on the flip side
Same goes, I guess!
These all love me
Despite myself, lol!
Are they always pleased with what all I do?
The answer to that naturally is NO!
Let love continue!

2008-12-30T03:22:00.000-08:00

The birth of a new child, the dawn of a new day and the beginning of a new year.
There's a sense of excitement. New hopes and new expectations!

The Ancient and famous king David said " O give thanks to the Lord, for He is good! For His mercy endures forever. Let the redeemed of the Lord say so.." Psalms 107:2.

Jesus Christ is our Savior. He is our redeemer and our deliverer. We can not be cursed when we have been blessed.

Therefore let us rejoice and be glad.

"Get out of bed! Wake up!.. God's bright glory has risen for you.
The whole earth is wrapped in darkness, all people sunk in deep darkness,
BUT God rises on you, his sunrise glory breaks over you.
Nations will come to your light, kings to your sunburst brightness.
Look up! Look around!Watch as they gather, watch as they approach you;
Your sons coming from great distances.
Your daughters carried by their nannies.
When you see them coming you'll smile-big smiles!
Your heart will swell and yes, burst!...
What's that we see in the distance...Returning your children from faraway places,..
Not long ago you were dispised refuse-out-of-the-way, unvisited, ignored.
But now I've put you on your feet,
Towering and grand forever, a joy to look at!...
You'll have no more need of the sun by day
nor the brightness of the moon at night.
God will be your eternal light,Your God will bathe you in splendour
Your sun will never go down,
Your moon will never fade.
I will be your eternal light
Your days of grieving are over!.." Isaiah 60 (Msg)

Overlook it, forgive or deal with it.

2008-10-27T21:23:00.000-07:00

Offense/Issues:
As we go on in life we have to make allowances or give room for one another's faults and shortcomings.
Shortcomings, faults, mistakes are inevitable as long as we are in this box called 'flesh'. It means we are human so we will get things wrong sometimes.
Someone said "to err is human".
So what is the point I am making?
You will not be overwhelmed when someone you trust or someone you are close to messes up or disappoints you.
Make up ur mind to forgive even before an offense comes.
Offense as you know, when it's allowed to take roots defiles.
You can call up whoever it is and let them know how you have been upset by them.
Always be prepared to let go and let God whichever way it turns out.
Truly,
Yinka

What happens if you forgive?

2008-10-01T04:05:00.000-07:00

Hey friend! Thanks 4 taking interest in this subject. The Scripture of my focus is Matt 18:21-35. It is obvious in this passage that forgiveness is very important to God. Indeed, it's a great, if not the greatest quality of a Christian. For example, a key point that brought us into God's kingdom is forgiveness. Our past is forgiven, our sins are forgotten and our debt is forgotten. Every member of the kingdom must live in forgiveness. I doubt whether we can remain in that kingdom with unforgiveness. We know, even Jesus said it is not possible to live in this world and not be offended. But the grace of God is what helps us to forgive.In my message, I tried to highlight the benefits of forgiveness which I titled "What happens if you forgive?" 1. You will be forgiven. (Matt 6:14) 2. You'll be saved from physical cause. Not forgiving weakens your body. "In one study, people who focused on a personal grudge had elevated blood pressure and heart rates, as well as increased muscle tension and feelings of being less in control. When asked to imagine forgiving the person who had hurt them, the participants said they felt more positive and relaxed and thus, the changes dissipated. Other studies have shown that forgiveness has positive effects on psychological health too" (Mayo Clinic). 3. You will be happy. You know from experience that no one is ever truly happy if they have unforgiveness in their heart. 4. Forgiveness is good news for relationships. We have to forgive "lest Satan should take advantage of us" (2 Corinthians 2:11). 5. You will be blessed. God wants us to forgive because when we do, we will inherit all that he has for us. (1 Peter3:9). Jesus said offense will come but blessed are you when you are not offended. 6. Your prayers will be answered. (Mark 11:25). 7. You will grow and mature as a Christian.Another thing I highlighted was the 'how of forgiveness' taking into consideration that forgiveness is not an easy process. Eny, it helps to remember that we forgive those who transgress against us for our own good as much as for theirs.(Matt 5:7).I pointed out "Prayer" as an effective tool to achieve living a lifestyle of forgiveness. As you talk to God about those hurtful things, he will give you his heart of love. You always love the person you pray for. You have to try it to experience it! Another way is to be accountable to someone or people who love you and who you can trust. Tell them to correct or show you whenever they see a sign of unforgiveness in you. In that way, you listen and accept their counsel and do something positive about what they point out to you.Of course, you should also practise asking for God's forgiveness and forgiving people regularly.Finally, as followers of Christ, our purpose should be to build the kingdom of God and fulfil his purpose...speak his words, and not our own. Our confidence must come from our walk with God, and not from what others think of us. Let it go, forgive, and be at peace. Luv ya!

Mercy and forgiveness

2008-09-23T20:26:00.000-07:00

Hi Ladies, I posted this somewhere else. Thought I should share it with you. Feel free to share your thoughts. Luv u's!
Somebody once said “God isn’t a God of second chances. Woe to us if he were. He’s a God of infinite chances”.
Sometimes it’s better to be slow to speak and not to jump to conclusions about people that fall into sin.
I’d rather err on the side of mercy.“God is not only infinitely forgiving, he casts our sins into the sea and never looks back” – now, should we?
A question: Do you know somebody feeling inadequate to be a Christian because of a sin or shortcoming? Reach out to such a person. Who knows…?

“But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases, his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness” (3:21-23, NRSV).

Forgiveness

2008-09-05T06:51:00.000-07:00

Forgiveness

“Then Peter came to Him and said, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times? Jesus said to him, “ I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven. Matthew18:21- 22. Read up to verse 35

“Should you not, also have had compassion on your fellow servant, just as I had pity on you? And his master was angry, and delivered him to the torturers until he should pay all that was due to him. “So shall My Heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his brother his trespasses.” 33- 35

…Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.” Matthew 6:11-12

People we find easy to forgive:
Our children

People we find hard to forgive:
Our spouses
Our friends
Our families
Our enemies
Ourselves

What is good for one is good for all. What you give to one, you can give to others.
To be continued.
Your thoughts are welcome

2008-07-03T21:29:00.000-07:00