A good marriage is a good marriage by Gary Thomas

"Voltaire warned us not to let the perfect become the enemy of the good. That’s not a bad motto for marriage, in one sense. Can we call a good marriage a “good” marriage, or in your mind, is that a “bad” marriage? What I mean by this is that some people seem to think unless they have a perfect marriage, they have a “bad” marriage.  They wouldn’t put up with a “good” marriage; they want something even better.

If we take our agenda from Matthew 6:33, however, we know that much fulfillment—even the source of our fulfillment—comes from outside our marriage. So, in this light, a good marriage can be a pleasant place to live. If the only thing I have to live for is my marriage, I could imagine not being willing to put up with a good marriage. I might think I need to reach for a super-extraordinary one. (But remember, just because you shoot for something doesn’t mean you obtain it.)

You’ve heard me speak enthusiastically of Justin and Trisha Davis’ fine book, Beyond Ordinary, so this is not an attack on their premise. I agree with Justin and Trisha that setting the bar too low can set us up for all manner of infidelities. I wouldn’t want an “ordinary” marriage if ordinary is defined by the average marriage in our culture today (which barely—or doesn’t—survive divorce).

Justin and Trisha offer an important reminder not to set the bar too low. But another reminder is that, at a certain level, we do equal harm by setting it too high. We know no single human relationship can be ultimately satisfying. At some point, we have to be able to say, “This is a good marriage. Given all the other loves I have, with my children, my friends, my walk with God, my soul is overflowing with gratitude, even if my marriage never gets ‘better’ than it is right now.”

In other words, instead of pounding our marriage for what it’s not, we rejoice in what it is. We call a “good” marriage a “good” marriage.

That doesn’t sound like such a bad thing to say, does it? What do you think?"

He said, she said

Relationships are all about learning. In marriage we are learning to become one; in families we are learning to get along; in business we are learning to work together; in friendship we are learning to make allowances for one another. Life is a learning process, and the quicker you embrace that fact, the more you'll enjoy the people around you.
Over the years, I've learned that Joel doesn't like hearing every single detail of a story, even though I do. I want to know exactly what was said, who said it, and how they said it. That's why, when I tell a story, it takes me fifteen minutes, and Joel can tell that same story in about two minutes! Knowing this, I try not to tell him every detail, although it's not always that easy.
One time, I was enthusiastically telling Joel something that I thought was important, and just as I was getting to the good part, I noticed his eyes beginning to glaze over. I began talking faster and faster, but it didn’t do any good. Finally I said, "You don't want to hear this; I can tell because you are not even paying attention to me."
It wasn't anything he said; it was how he looked. I could tell by his body language that I had lost him after the first three minutes. I could have either allowed myself to get upset and frustrated, or I could just make a few adjustments in the way I communicate with him.
Now I try to tell him only the most important details of the story. When I see his eyes glazing over, I don't get upset. It's just my cue that he is going into "detail overload," so I adapt to his communication style.
As you think about the people in your life, remember to respect and appreciate your differences. Don't hold offense just because someone has a different approach than you do. Be willing to make adjustments and focus on the common ground of peace. As you work towards unity, you are positioning yourself to receive the wonderful blessings God has in store for you.
How good and pleasant it is when brothers live together in unity!… for there the Lord bestows his blessing, even life forevermore (Psalm 133:1-3, NIV).
Culled from "Victoria's Blog"